Why the `Council Attitude’ is so un-UK

If you’ve ever wondered how it is that we’ve ended up with practically every inch of our roads yellowed with double lines, `box junctions’, no waiting, loading, or stopping signs, tow trucks hovering to catch out some poor mother kept late in the dentists’ whose toddler has just tripped in the street making her two minutes later for her meter, and the normally cheerful, decent UK public anxious and twitching awaiting the next assault on their goodness, then here’s a prime example of its happening which I collected last weekend.

It occurred when I was at a public meeting about the closure of the Hammersmith Flyover. The failure of the 50 year old bridge structure seems to be in part due to the design including an ambitious under-bridge heating scheme (so no corrosive gritting salt would ever be required) which never worked even once. However, this has led to disruptive traffic jams and road diversions now that the Flyover is closed for repair. While it has been horrible for local residents, it has also had effect on people coming into London, who don’t know the local routes well.

How easy it is, when navigating diversions, and distracted by checking for these yellow lines, box junctions, no waiting signs and toddlers falling over) to get into the wrong lane.

Therefore, when someone from the public raised their hand and made a point that at a certain junction motorists were inadvertently holding up traffic because of this, and could something be done to avoid it, I was expecting maybe `erect a large, clear temporary sign’. In other words, something helpful.

In fact the instant response from the no-doubt well-intentioned local councillor was more  like this: `Well, fortunately, the council now have the powers to enforce TMO (Traffic Management Offence) . …… So I will look into this with my colleagues to see what we can come up with to prevent it happening.’ Or, expand the huge range of contraventions that currently exist with yet another one!

So, no board, or hand-waving French-style traffic director (maybe take a warden off his beat for a bit) , but yet another cctv camera to penalise a usually law abiding motorist who may not necessarily possess Jeremy Clarkson driving skills.

On a broader scale, however, is this  standard `council attitude’ to our problems, which is now sweeping our nation, not somewhat at odds with the inspirational core values of the UK:  tolerance, respect and vision?

London 2011: Are We Kind Enough, We Asked?

As she helped me conceive it back in the early summer, it was disappointing that Lucy Windmill was absent in hospital on November 10th when the London 2011: Are We Kind Enough? Conference was held at Somerset House. She’d broken a metatarsal bone (a la David Beckham) on the way to a Big Society Network board meeting the day before.

As co-founder of Kindness Day UK on November 13th and someone who gets called to speak on UK `kindness’ since I set up the UK Kindness Movement in 2005, the idea was to get a fresh update on how we are faring in our capital city. Then, in between, came the alarming scenes last August, when London seemed more a war zone than a friendly metropolis. Quite rightly, people everywhere and particularly overseas are asking `What has happened to the UK?’. Not so many years ago we were pilloried as manners-obsessed, not aggressive enough in competition and too hospitable for our own good. This year reports of neglect in hospitals, rude behaviour in shops and on tubes, buses and trains, blatant mis-selling of goods and services are a daily read in the press. Lack of courtesy and consideration costs the nation big time, not just in quality of life, but possibly also in the real economy.

Then along came the report by The Young Foundation in October suggesting that most British people care about and have had positive experiences of civility. So the question of are or aren’t we kind seemed relevant. Are the bad reports accurate? And if not, why so many? If they are, what can we do about the situation to improve it.

Ironically, the analysis of kindness is complex. Everyone has an opinion on its relevance in today’s world. As Rod Whiting of BBC Lincolnshire put to me on his Breakfast show that morning, `Have we got our priorities right there? We have all manner of disasters befalling us etc and we want to talk about kindness!’ Kindness Day UK for this year alone shared its date with Remembrance Sunday, a touching tribute to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice of themselves for the benefit of others. But, in a world where profit and greed play such a large (and who know’s, possibly essential) part in our economic system, there has also to be a dedicated  time to reflect on those who are not so self-indulgent. And that’s one of the reasons behind my initiation of Kindness Day UK.

BBC Radio Derby’s Morning Show presenter Aleena Naylor asked me about the link between kindness and religion, which crops up quite a lot. My view is that talking about `kindness’ as a subject in itself avoids discussing organised faith. It’s something we can practice and talk about amongst each other, wherever we’re from. It doesn’t get heated, or awkward, or hurt feelings, or incite passion. And as they say, `never argue about religion.’

There are a myriad of interpretations of how to run a more considerate society.Big Society Network  CEO Steve Moore opened with a précis of how the charity is encouraging practical initiatives, such as Benitas Mafoshka’s People Who Share, initiative, which is a marketplace connecting those who want to swop or donate just about anything, from goods to businesses. Tom Andrews, a former strategic manager for the Royal Opera House trialled an ambitious project in Herne Bay in Kent which celebrated kindness across a whole town as part of an initiative of his organisation People United.

In this new computer-era, when many people have lost the natural art socialising with strangers to build their business or personal connection it was a good choice to select Judith Perle Co-author of The Network Effect to chair the evening.

Dan Thompson, the man with the gumption and faith in the general public to organise the impressive Clean Up after the riots, told of the great spirit that abounded and his phone call of support from PM David Cameron in the thick of it all. `When there is a real crisis, ordinary people just got on with the job of helping. Only once did I hear someone mention `Health and Safety,’ he said, which was energising.

Thankfully, not everyone is intimidated by red tape when other peoples’ lives and welfare depend on it.

To answer the question Are We Kind Enough?  Dr Paula Boddington, lecturer in ethics at Oxford University referred to the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle who believed the virtuous life was one which had pleasure within. `One simple reason for this answer is to do with what the nature of each individual human is: we are social beings, living together, as Aristotle so charmingly put it, not side by side like grazing cattle in the fields, but with a common life and interest in each other,’ she said.

James Max took a more political stance, vigorously defending the capitalist system in general which he felt got too much bad press when it came to kindness. Just because you were a money-maker, or ran a successful business, did not necessarily mean you were less empathetic or generous to others.

Mark Williamson of Action for Happiness reminded us though that despite being much wealthier, studies show we’re actually no happier than we were five decades ago and that there an essential link here with kindness which was often overlooked.

There is no doubt that the more competitive environment forced upon us by the demands of modern society, is no breeding ground for the `after you’ style of politeness which is so pleasant to live amongst.

Nor, that while we (I believe) are still a kind nation, as you can read in my speech, there’s been a change.

This was a sentiment echoed by Vijay Rana, who told a very touching story to illustrate the decline in kindness as a result of changing employment conditions.  A former broadcasting journalist for the World Service of over twenty years he now publishes the Journal of Health and Happiness

Similar to Dan’s voluntary leadership to clear the debris from the streets at the end of last Summer George Monck spoke about the extraordinary impact his initiative of Cleanup UK has had in bringing people together out of doors in a simple, basic way. Just pick up rubbish, was his clear message. It stands to reason a cleaner, prettier, tidier community makes you feel better and act accordingly. Known as an effective pro-social activity, it reminded me of a scheme run in Camden in 2005 to clear litter, rubbish and graffiti as a crime deterrent which linked clean streets with a feeling of safety.

Kindness has always been in conflict with governance to some degree. It was fitting, as a RSAWSN event, that Deborah Wharton of ID-choices should cover the point about the role women have to play. As I often speak about in my motivational programmes, the female leadership style tends to lend itself to fostering people skills. Possibly that means that women have a significant part to play in the current global market where profit alone is no longer the only incentive for growth.

Louise Burfitt-Dons is compiling report on Kindness in the UK. If you have any ideas on practical ways in which we can ensure that kind people and organisations gets the recognition they deserve please leave your comments hear or email info@ukkindnessmovement.org

Women and the BS: What happened at Somerset House

`As I’m responsible for it, let me explain the title. `Blast from the past or new vision?’, was how I opened the debate held by the RSAWSN in association with the Big Society Network on June 28th at Somerset House. To me, to have opposing ideas is an effective way of freeing up speech and hearing a variety of views—like the event which took place at Somerset House on June 28th in the Model Room. It’s the same venue used by David Cameron to launch his ideas to the press on his grand vision and it was useful for our host CEO Chief Exec Steve Moore to hear back on those from the female perspective. To read my opening speech.

Though there are just as many fans, the Big Society is not without its critics, and many of them were amongst the audience. It is quite clear that people affected by the public sector austerity cuts have linked—rightly or wrongly—their lack of job with the vigorous drive for volunteers to fill the gaps. However, in question time Steve made it clear that the growth of the network was unrelated—more borne out of a strong genuine desire for more social enterprise, and members of the concerned public wanting to `save the UK’ for themselves by, quite simply, helping out more.

It was great to hear from Patti Boulaye who set up the charity Support for Africa and has through that built no less than five health care clinics and one school, and the social affairs writer Mary O’Hara (trustee of Stand for Reason) who made a strong case for the unsung heroes in society. Green and Black’s founder and Jo Fairley, who is a great supporter of this initiative, described her charitable work when she organised her contacts in the beauty industry to do make-overs on vulnerable young women as a self esteem boost. She made the point that giving should always remain that way, and not be complicated by putting a price on it, though there were others who felt that social help should indeed be financially recognised. `It’s ok if you’ve got the money to work for nothing,’ was one of the remarks from the floor.

The Big Society Network has launched a scheme which encourages social entrepreneurs and several were there this evening to speak about their successful projects including Shireen Irani who had just that week won the Law Society’s Junior Pro-Bono Lawyer of the Year for her work with i-Probono , Michelle Clothier who has won a plethora of awards for Livity, Servane Mouazan who started up the Women’s Social Leadership Awards and is CEO of Ogunte.

There is no doubt that women take a shine to social enterprise as a way of working. Says Joana Picq, COO of The Next Women, `Women have long been the silent pillar of the country’s economy, but no more: they have evolved beyond CEO of the household and volunteer within their community to create jobs and value through their fast growing enterprise.

Women’s Role in the Big Society

Branding: Rowena Vestey

The Big Society is not without its critics, in particular women. There are those who believe we have been at the heart of community giving since we lived in caves, and for no pay and, very often,  reduced status as a result. So, for those in this camp, to be told to volunteer more can come across, quire understandably, as ungracious and condescending. But for others,  a well-publicised and organised system which encourages social entrepreneurial opportunity is a timely move.  Hence, Women’s Role in the Big Society: Blast from the Past or New Vision? as the topic for the event on Tuesday 28th June evening event I am chairing at Somerset House in London.

On the panel will be Steve Moore, CEO of the Big Society Network, west end star and  `Support for Africa’  founder Patti Boulaye, award-winning social affairs writer and journalist Mary O’Hara and beauty journalist and co-founder of Green and Black’s chocolate Jo Fairley. The event is being hosted by the Big Society Network in association with the RSA Fellowship Women Speaker Network .

Other featured speakers include Joana Picq of is COO of The Next Women, founder of the Women’s Social Leadership Awards Servane Mouazan who is also CEO of Ogunte, Founder Director of online legal assistance network i-Probono Shireen Irani and Michelle Clothier of Livity, a youth specialist communications and engagement agency.
For more information on the event

Women On Fire

`To be a public speaker you have to expose yourself. Everyone is forced to look at you, listen to you. Whether you like it or not they will judge you. No one can be there on your behalf.' Louise Burfitt-Dons

Judith Seelig has invited me to speak at her Easter Saturday event in Westminster about how speaking (also a vital diplomatic skill as well as a leadership tool) can improve women’s self-confidence.

I’ve found the diffidence to speaking is closely related to a fear that what you declare publicly could bring reprisals, break bonds, make enemies, give away secrets, result in exclusion, endanger children, and so forth. It is probably deeply engrained into the female psyche `speaking’ is a scary business, and maybe for good reasons.

However, what I am likely to cover will be inspirational and encouraging. Women possess natural gifts of leadership and communication, but suppress them. It’s easier to keep the peace, do what everyone else is doing, say the same things. But deep down when we do this, we sense something is wrong.

The world over, I’ve never met a woman who’s life is exactly the same life as another. Circumstances dictate. Therefore, there is no rule book written—never can be—with specific advice for a woman on her future, or perfect formula to protect the humanitarian interests of the entire female race.

But whether a 23 year old Alaskan fisher woman or female boss of a Footsie 500 company, a widow from the Great East Japan Earthquake still living in a sports hall in Yamagata or a fashion model in New York, what bonds us is clear to all women. Womanhood is an awareness of the innate skills of survival as women, and our real priorities, not the Hollywood interpretation. `Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal’ sayeth Shakespeare, knowing that at best he could only hope to truly master the first.

A celebration of this second unspoken language is the subject of a one-day `alternative parliament’ being held at Westminster’s Central Hall on Easter Saturday. Brainchild of London based Sharman Judith Seelig, the `Women on Fire’ uplifting event features a diversity of speaking talent including Camilla Batmangheildjh, Tamsin Ormond, Novelist Jay Griffiths and many others. For a full programme of speakers

My personal motivational advice for women has always been based on courage building, and an acceptance that whatever path you take not everyone will bond with you as a result. As a public speaker you face that challenge every time you step up to the lectern, whether you are inspiring political change or company reform in the boardroom.

To hear more about how I can help you do that, why not come along?

For tickets to the event

Myths about women’s speaking dispelled

Working Together: When Women Speak, Do Men Listen? – Matthew Taylor, James Max, Hamish Forsyth, Jane Gunn FRSA, Judith Perle FRSA, Deborah  Wharton FRSA

On 8^th March 2011, to coincide with the centenary of Women’s International Day I chaired the second in a series of speaking events organised by the RSA Women Speaker Network in association with the English-Speaking Union at their Dartmouth House Headquarters in Soho, London.

Like the launch event at the Institution of Mechanical Engineers on November 8^th 2010  it was a full house with a great cast of speakers, not just on the panel but also as part of the floor.

The first two topics were designed purely to raise the issue of women speakers by focusing directly on the subject.   Why are women often limited to just speaking to other women when the big, bad world and even beyond could profit from our intuitive voice and often pragmatic opinions? Is this a situation we bring on ourselves, in which case we are our own worst enemies, or visited upon us? Obviously there are times when women addressing other women are relevant, but sometimes it limits the audience or gives the impression that women-only groups are in some way second rate. But, as so many raise, how about  the apparent gender imbalance of mixed speaking?  Is this an evil male conspiracy to maintain control of the floor or women’s lack of interest and know-how in promoting their expertise?

The Speaker Network has already thrown up by way of our events and meetings some interesting observations for me at least. Do women talk too much or too little? Well, it seems that while the obvious first answer from a female-base diverse group of senior women is `too little’, there’s also emerge another side to the conversation  that many women agree on.

Speaking out when it comes to women’s input seems to depend much on the format.  Given a relaxed environment, such as a cabaret setting, they will definitely get their views across. Not so much with the lecture theatre setup. (Some very interesting feedback on this has come from University students and professors, in particular). However, with the majority of conferences and major speaking events set out in theatre or classroom style that is a challenge which has yet to be addressed.

But the major finding of debate number one was that, whatever the format—boardroom or bench—in a large number of industries (particularly traditionally male fields such as engineering, construction, science and even academia) women are grossly under-represented as chairs or panelists. That, of course is not inspirational to young women who could be recruited into these fields  if there was more female visibility in terms of `role model’ speakers.

In a similar way debate 2 was illuminating.  Apparently men and women speak and listen for different purposes.  That aside, our speakers quashed myths like `women speak more than men’ and even the ‘woman gossip’ one. To catch a flavour of the evening you can watch the clip below.

What next? Several members of the network are developing a range of different and original initiatives around the mission statement `to raise women’s profile in society by greater involvement in public speaking’.   If you are an RSA fellow and wish to be involved or grow this network please join in our LinkedIn group and/or Ning (or both) where we will post details and initiate discussions.

Our public events to date have been open to both men and women either from the RSA or beyond and are advertised in the RSA Fellowship newsletter.

Small Kindness Needs Help

The Small Kindness Movement of Japan was begun in March 1963 by the President of Tokyo University, Dr. Seiji Kaya. Their motto is “Let’s practice whatever kindness we can offer, so that it will become the habit of our society.” A successful, well-coordinated movement, it has evolved over the past 48 years into a national network with branches in 167 municipalities’. Their activities are centred around their mission statement – motivating and coordinating volunteers to perform any small, worthwhile act from collecting used stamps to helping in the aftermath of earthquakes and floods.
The thoughtfulness,calm  and resilience of the Japanese people after the major earthquake offshore Miyagi in the Pacific on March 11 and following tsunami has impressed people greatly. Sadly, many of the 170,000 members of this volunteer programme who would normally be active in helping others in trouble have been caught up themselves in this on-going catastrophe of unprecedented scale. As a result, a fundraising account has been established specifically to help them rebuild their own lives. If you would like to donate to this appeal, please send money to the following account:
Name: Small Kindness Movement Disaster Relief Campaign
Mizuho Bank Kudan Branch.
Swift code: MHBKJPJT
Mizuho Bank Kudan Branch
Account Number: 532-1775798

When women speak, do men listen?

Following on from the launch of the RSAWSN at the Institution of Mechanical Engineers in November 2010 when the panel and floor questioned if women spoke too much or too little (see previous post) – now, round 2. When women speak, do men listen?
This time the conference of RSA female Fellows which makes up the Women Speaker Network has joined with the august English-Speaking Union to take a look at how the way we communicate differently. As a celebration of International Women’s Day 2011, the debate takes place in the Churchill Room at Dartmouth House, their magnificent Grade11 listed headquarters in the heart of Soho. Essentially a light-hearted exchange with plenty of audience involvement,  there is a serious side.  Many women have told me they feel intimidated speaking out publicly and particularly in mixed company.  My concern: is  a female voice heard when it matters? Are women  fairly represented across the broad sweep of  humanitarian and community issues.  With a networking expert and conflict resolution consultant on the team, it should be a relevant discussion for March 8th..

Panelists and presenters include Chief Executive of the RSA  Matthew Taylor, Hamish Forsyth from the PM’s Advisory Unit, LBC Radio host and television personality James Max, Jane Gunn FRSA (Bedlam in the Boardroom, Boredom in the Bedroom) and Judith Perle FRSA (co-author of The Network Effect) and Deborah Wharton FRSA, former CEO of Business Link and budding entrepreneur. For speaker biographies.

For more information on tickets available please contact the English Speaking Union.

RSA – RSA Women Speakers’ Network: launch event

RSA – RSA Women Speakers’ Network: launch event.

Holy Solar

Currently the Pope is visiting the UK. Speaking on BCC news after her brief meeting with him in Edinburgh today was Stephanie Hilborne who is the CEO of 47 Wildlife Trusts. She spoke about the importance of the influential catholic church supporting our pressing need to combat climate change whether it be by getting people, businesses, governments to act on reducing carbon emissions or preparing people to accept and adapt to the inevitable changes that lie ahead. Apparently the Vatican has now solar panels on the roof which is indicative of their commitment to fighting global warming and to recognising their role in our plight. Wildlife trusts are particularly concerned about our warming planet and the growing dislocation between people and their environment. For this reason I am delighted to be connected with Wildlife Trusts via Kindnessday UK – a project I founded with David Jamilly to raise awareness of the importance of consideration to others. Of course this begins with taking essential care of the very planet we inhabit and the air that we breath.

There are a million benefits to developing our world materially whether they be greater comforts, life saving medical facilities or increased knowledge of the universe. But one of the downsides would have to be that we have lost touch with essential benefit often by the natural world. Our very existence on earth.